The Snake Thief

Genre: Fiction/Comedy

Author's Notes: I write in a way that is not totally planned out, and I allow the characters to move the story. However, with The Snake Thief, the story turned into something that I did not intend. I got the idea of this story from an old legend that an Indonesian co-worker told me, but it was something more of a horror story. The way that The Snake Thief turned out became a comedy. 

Legends pass on in small villages across the countryside. From tales of animals stealing money simply by rubbing their bodies against a house to legends of magical creatures, these stories have obscure or unknown origins. In one village, a man named Ular just had his heart broken by a woman. He visits his best friend Setia and tells him, “My girlfriend, after being together for over two years has broken up with me. I bought her everything that she wanted. I think she just wanted my money, and now I’m poor.”
Setia responds, “The last man to date her had a similar story.”
“It’s women, Setia. They’re no different from the leeches in the river. They suck men dry and leave you with nothing but wounds.”
“I don’t know about that, Ular. I think that it’s just her.”
“No Setia. I cannot get over this. All this time, money, and energy spent to be with someone only to end up alone.”
“Let’s just forget about this for now, Ular. You need to get out of the poor house, or else you’ll be eating grass, leaves and insects again.”
“You see what women do to us men? I bought her so many gifts, yet here I am eating such things.”
“But you made that choice, Ular.”
“No, no, no. It is them, Setia. They sing their sweetness to my ear, and I become forced to buy them what they want.”
“Take a walk around the village or something.”
Ular walks past the straw-roofed huts that rest on wooden pillars. Flooding from heavy rains comes abruptly, so homes are elevated. As Ular strolls through the dirt streets, he smells cooked fish. Like a starving man lured to food, he ends up in front of a hut. Inside, a woman cooks fish for her husband, who is happily waiting for his meal. The man and woman sneak loving looks at each other to the chagrin of Ular. He exits the home and says to himself, “My ex-girlfriend would never do that.”
He cannot stop thinking about what he witnessed and says to himself, “I bet that woman is simply a vile enchantress. Yes, that’s it. She stuffs his belly with food, and he does her absolute bidding.”  
Ular ends up back at Setia’s doorstep. He invites him in, and Ular declares, “I want food, Setia. More importantly, I want revenge.”
“What is it now, Ular?” Setia asks exasperated by Ular’s moodiness. 
“I need a plan that will get me revenge on these evil temptresses. Then, I will find a way to get food in my belly and out of the poor house.”
“Ular, your hunger is making you delusional. Women are not evil, and you need to find an honest way to make money.”
“Honesty will get me thrown to the snakes. I must do whatever it takes, even if it is underhanded.”
“Oh Ular, why must you be so impulsive?”
“Forget about that, Setia. You must help me with this.”
“Come back later tonight. I think that I have something that may help you with this ridiculous scheme.”
Ular leaves Setia’s hut, but not before he eats a few of his fish. As he walks home, he passes by his ex-girlfriend’s hut. Anxiety overcomes him, and he tells himself, “I don’t even know Setia’s plan. I must take action now, or else I will lose my nerve.”
Ular sneaks into her hut and looks around. He sees a precious stone that he bought her and snatches it. However, his ex-girlfriend enters the hut and catches him in the act of stealing. Behind her is her new boyfriend, Kuat, who is the strongest man in the village. 
Ular tells her, "I am only here to get the things that I bought for you."
His ex-girlfriend replies, "Oh Ular, you are as stupid as ever. What am I to do without my precious stones? You bought them for me, so now they are my property. I must treat you as a thief now."
He looks for an exit, but Kuat’s massive body blocks the way. He then thinks about breaking through one of the flimsy walls. Before he could make his escape, Kuat approaches him and lifts him over his head. Ular’s ex-girlfriend instructs him, “Kuat, please treat Ular like the trash that he is.”
Ular yells while being carried overhead by Kuat, “You devilish woman. Your kind is evil!”
Kuat removes Ular from the village and into the forest. While being held above Kuat’s head, Ular asks, “Where are you taking me? Isn’t it about time you put me down?”
Kuat replies, “I heard that you like fish, so I thought it’d be nice for you to swim with them in the river.”
At the riverbank, he throws Ular into the water. He hits his head on a rock and drifts down the river unconscious. Downstream, Setia is fishing as he sees Ular’s lifeless body floating on the water. He jumps in the river and pulls him onto land. Once Ular wakes up, Setia asks, “Ular, what has happened to you?”
“Awakening, Setia. Whatever your plan is, we must act now.”
“Are you sure that you don’t want to tend to your wounds.”
“No, Setia. Waiting will only allow the she-devils to plan more ways to embarrass me.”
“Ular, I think that you are crazy, but I will help you nonetheless. The elders have told me stories of gods inside of great trees in the forest that will offer their power. We will find one of them and pray to it. Hopefully, it will give you some sort of power to get your silly revenge.”
    Ular and Setia venture into the forest with torches in hand. While humidity persists throughout the night, both feel cold chills along their bodies. Darkness surrounds them as the branches and leaves act as one big roof while bushes and trees make it difficult to see far ahead. Ular tells Setia, “Do you know where this great tree is? Without these torches, I wouldn’t even be able to see my hands in front of me.”
Setia replies, “As children, we used to play in this forest when there were fewer trees. I remember us climbing a gigantic one, and I think that was a great tree.”
“You remember the tree, but do you remember how to get there?”
“Yes. It is not that far from the river where I found you floating like a dead fish.”
    They make it to the river, but Ular does not watch his step and falls into it. Setia pulls him out, and Ular says aloud, “Cursed river. It must be inhabited by a female spirit out to get me.”
They continue along the river and eventually reach a very tall and wide tree. Walking closer to it, they see a large carving in its bark in the shape of a snake-like head. “I do not remember this carving on the tree from when we were younger, Ular,” Setia says aloud. 
“It does not matter Setia. What must I do to receive power from these gods?”
“Pray to that carving, I suppose.”
Ular gets on his knees and prays aloud to the carving. Most of his prayer consists of him lambasting the female race and wishing for revenge. He cries while yelling how his own mother would slap him when he was not behaving. Setia looks at him with embarrassment and is ashamed to be his only friend. 
A giant white snake appears before them and asks, "Who is this fool that is praying to me? I have not heard this much whining from a man in all the years of my existence."
Ular replies while still on his knees, "I am Ular, oh sacred God of this great tree."
"I am not who you think I am."
"If you can grant me the power to get revenge on the female race, then you are a God to me."
"I possess that type of power. However, it will not be free."
"I will do whatever you want."
Setia interjects, "No Ular! We do not even know what this creature wants in return. You cannot make such quick decisions in circumstances like this."
The giant snake tells them, "Your friend has already made the agreement, and it cannot be undone. Now, this fool will be given the power to become a snake. However, when your body as a snake touches a person’s home, all of their money and valuable possessions will end up in your home.”
“Thank you. Oh, great snake,” Ular says.
The giant snake turns his attention to Setia, “You are obviously a loyal friend to this idiot. Listen carefully. You will be given a candle. When you light this candle, it will turn him into a snake. In order for him to revert back to a human, you must blow it out. If it is blown out in any other way, then he will die. Also, if the candle flickers, then it signals that your friend is in danger.”
Setia asks, “What do you want in return?”
“You will find out soon enough,” The giant snake says before it vanishes. 
With the sun setting, they walk back towards the village to Setia’s hut. He asks, “Ular, do you really believe in this power that the giant snake gave to you?”
Ular replies, “Yes Setia. We have made it this far, so there is no turning back now. 
“I have a bad feeling about this. The only outcome I see is a total disaster.”
“Do not worry. Once I return to your hut, you can blow out the candle.”
 Setia puts the candle on a table and lights it. Ular shrinks into a small white snake and crawls under his own clothes. Setia asks the little snake, “Can you understand what I am saying?”
Ular wiggles his way towards Setia and lifts his head up. With hisses as a response, Setia says, “Since you cannot seem to talk, I kind of like you better like this.”
 Ular whips Setia in the leg with his tail as he slithers out of the hut. With the villagers asleep, he first goes to his ex-grilfriend’s home. He touches it with his body and heads back to Setia’s hut. Once there, he taps him with his tail as he is so focused on the candle’s fire. Seeing the snake back in his hut, he blows out the candle. 
Ular returns to his human form naked, so he quickly puts his clothes back on. He tells Setia, “I wonder if that really worked. I must go back to my hut now to see if that seductress’s money and valuables are there.”
    Back at his hut, he sees money and the jewelry that he bought for his ex-girlfriend on the floor. He jumps around excitedly while grabbing onto the valuables. “Now I do not have to eat leaves tomorrow. I can buy all the fish that I want.” He puts the valuables under his bed and goes to sleep with a smile on his face.
    Ular wakes up to the sight of his ex-girlfriend and Kuat. She tells him in a conceited tone, “I seem to have lost my valuables. I have a hunch that they might be here.”
“There is nothing here, as you can see. You have taken everything of value from me. Now, you take my dignity as well?” He responds.
“Spare me the acting, Ular. I am not in the mood for your foolishness. Kuat, please check every corner of this filthy place for my possessions.”
Kuat throws tables, chairs, and any pieces of furniture that Ular owns onto the street. Leaves and little grubs fly off one table, and Ular says, “My lunch!” With nowhere left to look, Kuat and his girlfriend leave. However, she turns around and tells him, “There is a place that we have not checked yet. Please lift this pauper into the air and see if any of my precious stones are on his person.”
    Kuat lifts Ular off from his bed and shakes him over his head. With nothing dropping to the floor. Ular’s persecutor tells Kuat, “Please put my dear Ular back in bed.” He throws him onto the bed, and it collapses. A precious stone rolls out of it and stops at the woman’s feet. She then tells him, “So this is where you were hiding my things? Ular, I have no idea when you stole this from me, but I must take back what is mine. You have been very bad, so I will have Kuat punish you for your sins.”
Kuat slowly stalks towards Ular, but he crawls between his legs and runs away. On the road, he sees someone and tells him, “Kuat is trying to kill me. I need help.”
“Oh Ular, of course you need help. You always say such ridiculous things.” The person responds as he walks away.
Ular frantically runs up to people on the street asking for assistance, but they all refuse him. He runs to Setia’s hut and announces to his startled friend. “We must talk, but not here. Kuat is out to hurt me!”
    They go deep into the forest, and Setia asks, “Ular, what is this about?”
Ular responds hysterically, “The whole village is against me, Setia. I must become the snake tonight and make them pay.”
“This is now getting very concerning. I think that you should go see the witch doctor.”
“Even the witch doctor told me that I am crazy. Me, crazy? That is totally false.”
“You did make a deal with a giant talking snake, Ular. Some would say that is the decision of a crazy man.”
“That was smart, not crazy. He seemed like a perfectly normal magical creature.”
“What is your plan?” Setia asks tired of trying to reason with Ular.
“Tonight, I will turn into the snake and take everyone’s money.”
“That just makes you a petty thief, Ular. I am sorry, but I cannot be a part of this.”
“You were already helping me steal from my ex-girlfriend.”
“That is different. I have seen how she treated you, and you were not wrong in wanting valuables back that you bought for her.”
“Setia, I will either do this as a snake with your help, or as a human without your help.”
“Why must you put me in this position? I feel as if I have no choice but to help you.”
“So, you will help me?”
“Yes.”
    That night at Setia’s hut, Setia puts the candle on the table. He asks Ular, “How do you expect to get away with this? You have a very small hut that will not hold all that mess.”
“I can bury it all. We will take from a few homes every night just to be careful.”
“I do not look forward to this, Ular.”
“I will share a coin or two with you………..unless I have already bought fish with them.”
“I already expect that you would buy food before offering your money.”
“I am not that selfish, Setia,” Ular says as he takes and eats one of Setia’s fish.
    Every night, Ular becomes the snake and targets no more than two huts. After changing back to a human, he buries the money that he stole. After days of these excursions, the victims start to speak out and warn their fellow villagers. 
One morning, a recently-robbed neighbor approaches Ular on the street and says, “Ular, you are very poor, and no one would waste their time stealing from you. We already checked your hut and found that you own absolutely nothing. With that said, we would like to ask for your help in finding this thief. We are going to assemble teams to watch the village every night until we find him.”
“If that is the case, then I will join you.”
That night, Ular and a small group of villagers look for the thief. After an hour of patrolling, he tells them, “I’ll check Setia’s hut. He still hasn’t been robbed.”
Ular goes to Setia’s hut while occasionally checking to see if anyone followed him. Once there, he tells his friend, “Turn me into the snake.”
Setia responds worriedly, “There are villagers out there looking for the thief. Even as a snake, you may be seen and attacked.”
“It does not matter to me. As a snake, I can elude them much better than if I were human.”
“This is a mistake, but I know that I cannot change your mind.”
    Setia lights the candle, and Ular becomes a snake. He slithers outside towards a neighbor’s hut and successfully steals from it. The white snake moves across the village to get to the huts that are not robbed. Crawling about, he sees the fire from torches being held by various villagers patrolling the streets. Someone in the distance says, “What is that over there?” Ular slithers away from the direction of the voice. 
    Setia watches the candle intently and starts to see it flicker. He panics and makes a motion to blow out the candle but stops himself. He quickly gets out of his seat and looks to see if Ular is nearby, but he does not see him. He goes back to his seat and sees the candle still flickering. 
    Ular slithers underneath a hut once he sees the fire of a torch coming towards his direction. While hiding, he hears someone’s footsteps coming from inside the home and a yell. He then hears that person running out of the hut. Ular crawls away, but he realizes that he had not previously robbed that residence. He heads back towards Setia’s home, but on his way there, he sees a villager quickly enter it. Ular slithers his way to the front entrance and looks to see what is going on.
    He hears the man yelling at Setia, “Where is Ular? I went back to my hut but found my money and valuables stolen. I was suspicious of Ular leaving so suddenly, so I went into his hut and he was not there. However, all of my expensive possessions and money were lying about.”
Setia responds nervously while looking at the flickering candle, “I do not know where he ran off to.”
“How did he get my things so quickly?”
“It is very hard to explain,” he says as he stares at the candlelight. 
The man becomes irritated at Setia and asks, “Why do you not look me in the eyes when I talk to you? Is this candle so special that you must act like I am not here?”
The villager blows out the candle, and they subsequently hear the sound of something collapsing at the front entryway. Rushing towards the sound, they see a dead white snake on the floor. Setia drops to his knees and starts to cry. The villager asks, “Was that your friend or something?”
“Yes, he was my best friend,” Setia says through tears while holding the snake in his arms.
    The man looks at Setia confused. They then go back into the hut.

“So, that is what everything was all about,” the villager says to Setia.
“Yes, Ular is now in the afterlife.”
“Life is nothing more than the light of a candle. It was a dangerous thing that Ular got involved with.”
“I wish that I could have stopped him somehow.”
“Setia, why did you stay friends with Ular? You are a well-liked working young man, and he was, to put it plainly, an idiot.”
“As a child, I was weak and timid. Ular was very confident even though he could not back that confidence up and was something of a simpleton. He saw me one day and pretty much forced me to be his friend. He would come over and force me to play with him, but he was also the first to come to my aid as well.”
“I can see Ular do something like that.”
“Wherever he is, I hope that he is doing well.”
    Ular’s spirit walks around the forest. He heads towards the great tree and sees the giant snake in front of it as if he were waiting for someone. He looks down on Ular and tells him, “I knew that I would see you here. It was inevitable.” 
“What do you mean?” Ular replies.
 “I mean that there was no way that a fool like you would be able to use that power without eventually getting killed. What do you think would have happened to you once that candle melted?”
“I did not even think about that.”
“That is what I expected from you. You just act without thinking, don’t you?”
“Where is this place?”
“Welcome to what people call purgatory. You are going to walk this land forever with no destination. This is your payment for making a deal with me!”